I’ve found myself saying to my clients a lot in the last few weeks that we “can’t fight every battle” … or that we need to decide if this is a “mountain that we want to die on!!”
Well that’s what this well-used Twelve Step phrase is all about. When we are hit with something, when we are angry about how someone has hurt us … we can remember to ask the question … how important is this … in order to help decide what to do next. If I let something go that’s a good option.
But if I can’t let something go without building up resentments, then its time to confront the issue. The primary question then is … how important is this?
Some of us have this habit of stuffing everything and then building up resentments and possible depression. Others will confront every issue and seem like they’re always fighting battles, always angry and possibly anxious about the next fight. So if we learn to ask this question – we could learn to be healthier. If its not that important, I can let it go … not stuff it!! And if its more important and I know that I’ll build up angst if I try to let it go, then I confront the issue … instead of fighting all the time.
Learning to ask myself this question has helped me to get perspective on issues and its helped me to stop stuffing it, since I tended to err on that side. I needed perspective to learn if dealing with the issue would be healthier for me rather than trying to “let go.” I needed to learn to set boundaries in healthy ways and needed to let go in a way that wouldn’t hurt me. sb