How Important is This?

I’ve found myself saying to my clients a lot in the last few weeks that we “can’t fight every battle” … or that we need to decide if this is a “mountain that we want to die on!!”

Well that’s what this well-used Twelve Step phrase is all about. When we are hit with something, when we are angry about how someone has hurt us … we can remember to ask the question … how important is this … in order to help decide what to do next. If I let something go that’s a good option.

But if I can’t let something go without building up resentments, then its time to confront the issue. The primary question then is … how important is this?

Some of us have this habit of stuffing everything and then building up resentments and possible depression. Others will confront every issue and seem like they’re always fighting battles, always angry and possibly anxious about the next fight. So if we learn to ask this question – we could learn to be healthier. If its not that important, I can let it go … not stuff it!! And if its more important and I know that I’ll build up angst if I try to let it go, then I confront the issue … instead of fighting all the time.

Learning to ask myself this question has helped me to get perspective on issues and its helped me to stop stuffing it, since I tended to err on that side. I needed perspective to learn if dealing with the issue would be healthier for me rather than trying to “let go.” I needed to learn to set boundaries in healthy ways and needed to let go in a way that wouldn’t hurt me.   sb

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2 Responses to How Important is This?

  1. Igor says:

    I’m not an expert on the subcejt, but here’s my two cents I would say that most people couldn’t even handle going about #1- we naturally have urges we need to let out, and anger is one of them. However I’m one of those people that just lets it sink in. When I can’t change something, I just hold it in because I’m too strong minded to go crazy (at least I would say so). #2 really is the better of the two, even if you end up hurting someone’s feelings. Would you rather they keep on making you angry time after time? No. If they’re pissing you off and they don’t know it, keep saying to yourself, They don’t know any better, just keep calm , or something like that over and over again. Breathe deeply and consistently if you feel like you’re going to burst. If you’re not somewhere you can let your anger (like a gym or something), you just have to confront the person. In the end, it will be better for all.

  2. Lorrana says:

    Hello, I find that if I wait and calm down a bit and then assess wheethr I am right to be angry with the other person helps me. Am I actually angry with the other person or is there some other reason that is making me angry and I’m just looking for a reason to blow off steam’ and blame it on someone else?There is nothing wrong with being angry, just make sure that it is for the right reason(s).Don’t let anger become a bitter place in your soul. Examine what is making you angry and then make a plan to deal with it. If you think it is correct to confront the person who has made you angry, do it when you are calm and make sure that you can say clearly what it is that the other person has done to make you angry. Then try to resolve the problem with the other person.

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